Feeding two birds with one scone
A few weeks ago I was on the phone with my ex I was still trying to be friends with crying over the realization that I needed to end a friendship that had become very toxic. He said something to me along the lines of ‘‘Sometimes you just have to accept that that is who that person is’’ and though he was not referring to himself when he said this, it opened my eyes to how I had been allowing him to treat me for well over a year. It was almost comedic listening to him tell me I deserved better than what I was getting from someone else. But in my already emotionally heightened state, I kept how I was feeling to myself and gave myself time to think about things rationally, separate from the pain I was already feeling from one friendship ending.
It wasn’t until he let me down for the trillionth time just a week later that I finally just said ‘‘You know what? No more. I’m out.’’
Lately I have been trying to be more of a friend to myself and look at things from a perspective of ‘‘If someone did this to my friend and they told me about it, what would I tell them to do?’’
No one should put up with being love bombed, manipulated, lied to, mistreated, and emotionally abused.
I think sometimes we know we deserve better but it’s difficult to go out and get it because when you give so much of yourself to someone, you lose pieces of yourself. Eventually it is impossible to feel like you can be whole without them.
I’m here to tell you that even though in a way that may be true, it is possible to build and find new pieces. To grow. To become whole again, without the person you feel holds so many pieces of you.
If you find yourself making excuses for someone who does not treat you the way you deserve to be treated, I urge you to cut them off and then watch how you blossom when you’re not being weighed down by rotting roots. Replant yourself and give yourself some sunshine. You deserve it.