December 6, 2021
Sometimes I wonder if you think about us at all
and how we’re so damn disconnected
When we were once close enough to fall in things like coffee,
road trips, movies, stories, magic.
In things like love.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,
or if what we had was just us filling time.
And I wonder if you’d want to know me,
the me I am today…
Or if you’re caught up on a different me,
the one that got away.
December 5, 2021
Sometimes I find you in the dark,
a land that exists only in my head.
A fantasy made up behind eyelids
and underneath bedspreads.
The man I saw,
the man I trusted,
the man I thought I knew…
I’m not sure who he is,
but he looks a lot like you.
December 3, 2021
This fall I fell through the cracks in the sidewalk and
stayed there while the world closed damp and marshy above me.
The streets hummed low rhythms that lulled me to sleep
and I kept my eyes closed for three months until they
snapped open like a timer had been set off,
my body’s reminder that all dreams must end.
Now I hold a toothpick to the ceiling and slowly excavate myself.
Even when all seems dark, I’ve learned you can still dig your way out.
December 2, 2021
I was just getting started but you were ready to end
and there were holes in us both
that we just couldn’t mend
But I was so wrapped up in all the nice things you would say and the way you’d convince me everything was okay
But it wasn’t, was it?
It was all a fascade.
You thought you could protect me
but your thinking was flawed.
And I feel stupid for not know that you weren’t alright,
so blinded by love that I began to lose sight.
I should have cared for you better,
I should have put you first
And I know saying these things doesn’t make it better or worse.
But I can’t not care,
not even now.
My voice is so quiet but my thoughts are so loud.
And there’s nights I want to reach out and see how you are
because my friends said they saw you alone at the bar.
Instead I’ll say nothing, I’ll leave you alone.
But I’ll leave the porch light on in case you want to come home.
December 1, 2021
If you don’t feel like yourself right now, it’s probably because you are not that person anymore. Sometimes you fall apart and when you go to put yourself back together again, you’ll find that there are missing pieces. Parts of you have been lost along the way but it’s important that you don’t go searching for them. You don’t need to backtrack in order to feel whole again. This is your opportunity to grow, your chance to bloom into the person you’ve always wanted to be. You might have lost parts of yourself along the way, but you will never be incomplete. You are enough all on your own. Keep going.